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Emo Phillips Humor

I'll always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!"

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

The toughest time...in anyone's life...is when you have to kill a loved one just because they're the devil.

I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse."

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers... damn anthropologists.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way."